It may be a bit like when you really need a wee (sorry if this is too graphic ladies - and gentlemen) and you put it off and put it off and put it off 'cos you know once you go that will be it and you'll need to go again and again and again. "Breaking the seal" they call it (who "they" is I have no idea...) and I guess that is what I am doing here. After many long months I am breaking the seal of my blog. And why?
Oh so many reasons - not least of which is many of you have asked me to - or at least suggested you would like me to by commenting that you sometimes have a little look here to see if I have written anything new. The thing is of course I don't know that as there isn't a space to comment on a non-existent blog post. Another reason goes back to the original purpose of this blog - to update/inform/bore you all when there is news to impart. "Round robin" emails and text messages have their place but of course they can find their way in/onto your inbox/smartphone at times when you are otherwise occupied and their presence is not a welcome intrusion.
A blog post on the other hand can sit here and wait for such time as you have to come and find it and read and digest what I have to say. I like to think of you sitting there with a cuppa and a digestive, a hob nob maybe, or perhaps late at night with a glass of wine. And I hope that now you understand better why I am doing this you will feel moved to comment - thank you!
So here's the thing. I've not checked when I last posted which is deliberate. Playing catch up is fair to neither you nor me. You because it would be a tedious boring resume of days spent working, playing and in pain. Mostly in pain, and at work. Me because trying to recall all that has taken place would be equally boring and painful. Let's draw a line, summarise briefly and look to the future....
Well hopefully the future is brighter than it appears today. Pain levels of late have been stratospheric, the ongoing burning feeling across my whole back, a tight feeling around my ribcage and occasional (with most breaths) feelings of being stabbed. It hasn't been this way always of course - the injections before last gave some relief, and following the last set I did have a day of relief. But for perhaps three weeks things have been deteriorating so today I saw Mr Tucker, fully expecting to hear that perhaps I reacted badly to the last injections after that original day of comfortable numbness...
Instead of which I had quite a shock. Of the "rug pulled from under my feet" type, not to mention the "curve ball" or "knocked me sideways" variety.
Mr Tucker thinks maybe there is some pseudoathrosis. The last SpeCT scan evidenced this may be the case. If so and it causes the metalwork to fail this could be bad news. Alternatively my fusion may be just fine and dandy and perhaps as suggested above it is the metalwork causing me the pain and irritation.
How to tell? Well originally he suggested taking a look. Naively I initially thought this meant taking my top off - till he described opening up my scar and stripping back the muscle. Ouch. He talked of examining each level, and inserting genetically modified bone protein (at £3000 a pop!) if the fusion had failed. If the fusion is just fine he could loosen the metalwork and remove it - after all it is just scaffolding and once the house is built and standing firm there is no further need for it is there? And if I am one of the 30% or so reacting badly to titanium that might bring some relief.
For now he's suggesting a CT scan to try and pinpoint specific areas and reduce the area for revision surgery. I'm concerned about radiation levels but he compares them to transatlantic flights and I figure I'm for once in my life in the same league as David Beckham :-)
Meanwhile - I'll be seeing a new pain management specialist. Nigel - nice name. Hoping he has some nice drugs up his sleeve that don't cause constipation, hair loss, or embarrassing yawning during interviews and important meetings...
That's all for now folks. When I woke up this morning I never would have dreamed I'd be writing this tonight. Guess that's what makes life exciting and like a box of chocolates huh - which reminds me huge thanks to my daughter for bringing flowers and chocolates to the office tonight after a wobbly phone call.
Time to sleep, tomorrow is another day and I wonder what it will bring.
Sweet dreams one and all