For the comments, messages, tweets etc today encouraging and supporting me in my hesitant foray into the world of writing.
I don't intend to stop recording my journey of recovery from scoliosis surgery - don't panic those who've asked me not to! but yesterdays musings on Social Networking did take us in a new direction and I was nervous as to the reaction. Who do I think I am to have an opinion worth posting online? I rarely comment on someone's facebook status other than to "like" it or wish them a happy birthday/anniversary/life together. I shy away from controversy and in spite of having belonged to an online forum for almost ten years I rarely post anything controversial or against the flow. So today I have been thinking about that...
... and especially in the context of the post about growing in confidence. Hard to describe this -I'm very wary of saying too much as I'm still living in dread of whatever flipped into gear in my brain deciding it has had enough and slipping back into neutral. I can't explain it other than I guess this is what Happy Pills are supposed to do, but after 18 months of muddling along in a fog of anxiety and stress, and teetering on the brink of an abyss of depression, it's really rather wonderful to feel positive, alive and as if it's worth getting up in the morning.
I wouldn't have wished the said 18 months on my worst enemy. I've yet to read my blog posts from that time and promise myself often that I will sit down with a large glass of wine and a larger box of tissues and plough through not only the ones on here but those posted elsewhere in the really deep and dark times. I've not yet had the courage to do so but maybe that time is coming - as I'm growing stronger and in confidence.
But in spite of the utter horrible hideousness of it all - and I know this is a typical cliche - I know I am stronger for it. I've been places I never knew existed and survived.
Writing now comes very naturally, as an outpouring of all that I think and feel. At times it feels as though the words that are to find their way onto the blog are actually there with me all day, floating around in the ether and waiting to be caught and transferred to the page. That may sound fanciful but stories are there too - dozens of them. Books, novels, short stories, poems - all demanding attention and exposure to the light.
Can you sense the "But..."? Well here it is now and it takes us right back to what I said at the beginning - who am I to have an opinion? Blogging the facts is one thing, "proper" writing is something else surely?
I have a friend - well several - who are much cleverer than I am. Or are they? They know more - I am in awe of their knowledge and ability to construct arguments and debate issues. In awe to the extent that I rarely speak up or challenge them - though with hindsight I often wish I had done.
They seem to know all there is to know about politics, economics, history, technology, physics, etc etc etc etc... for years I have tried to keep up and with my head in the state and space it has been recently I've felt like I am drowning in an ocean of ignorance.
But slowly I am surfacing and taking gulps of air. Realising that those subjects aren't the only ones worthy of discussion. Millions of us live our lives knowing little of economic theory but managing a household budget, with a limited knowledge of technology yet adopting new innovations on a daily basis as we master phones and tablets and TVs and food processors. We might not have a degree in physics but we understand what makes people tick, and even if we can't reel off a ream of historical data we understand the impact of background and upbringing on our children. Our knowledge is personal, relevant and insightful and instead of being ashamed of what we don't know I vote it is time to stand up and declare what we do.
So perhaps this blog will take a new turn - I certainly have something in mind for tomorrow. I'm making no apologies for the lowbrow approach -I just hope that you enjoy the musings, join the conversation and, if you would, join in either here on Facebook.
Thank you and, for now, goodnight ;-)