Oh heck, not blogged for a while, decided I really need to get back into it and ... look what has happened. Well actually you probably can't see what I can see, as I am in what I believe is known as the back end of blogger. The place with the WYSIWIG editor where you - or I - type your rambling thoughts before hitting the button that sends them into cyberspace.
Not blogging doesn't mean I don't want to blog or don't think about it every day - so what is it that stops me, that accounts for the long silence?
Maybe there is nothing other than laziness? The inability to focus and write rather than faff on facebook or mess around on twitter? Possibly, but I'm not sure that is it as there seems to be a bigger reason...
... from my very first post I've hinted that I struggle with the soul baring aspect of a blog. At the same time I find it hard to see any real purpose in a personal diary or journal - though I appreciate others do. So if I am going to chronicle life as I see it here is the place.
The real reason why I blog less often is, I believe, because of the likely subject matter these days. During my scoliosis surgery it was pretty straightforward - if almost impossible - to enter something every day relating to the operating room, intensive care, recovery, drugs, pain, physio etc etc etc...
The redundancy issue makes scoliosis surgery look like a walk in the park. Ironic really since someone said to me that scoliosis surgery made open heart surgery look like that very same walk. I'm not saying it is harder to deal with redundancy than scoliosis surgery of course. But I am saying it is harder to write about it. For starters you don't want to be bad mouthing the organisation you used to love and love working for.
More than that however - the soul searching process you go through is so painful and personal that a blog somehow doesn't feel like quite the right place for it. Give it a few weeks - or in my case one month today - and you gain a sense of perspective which helps you express what needs to be said in a way that is fair and helpful.
I'll unpack this more in another post, thanks for reading this far x