Friday, 2 April 2010

The Hills are Alive...


There is something on TV other than chopped veggies and relocation programmes. It's a Bank Holiday so of course The Sound of Music is on - one of those films that you don't actually have to watch because you have seen it so many times before. It's just kind of on in the background while you get on with all those other important things you have to do. Like... erm... well blogging for starters (building up to some more thank you letters, knitting and perhaps watching a dvd later - but that may clash slightly with the TV....)

Today's not a great day - they never start well after a difficult evening/night before. And reducing the drugs is never easy. Confession time - today is the first day since I started getting dressed that I haven't got dressed. Ian's working, the weather is rubbish and even if neither of those were a fact I think my body is screaming out for a rest. I've really tried to push the physio ie walking but all of this and especially the long trip out on Wednesday seem to have created aches and pains in places I didn't know could ache or pain. So today's a bit of a duvet day in my Eyeore PJs...

I'm not sure if I have said before what a great GP I have? Went to see her yesterday evening and as has already been ascertained I was not having a good day. Through the tears and the snot we managed to work out what's going on - apart, obviously, from the pain. She very perceptively pointed out that I've come to this experience/journey very well prepared and with very realistic expectations. I've a great group of supportive friends I have met through the Scoliosis Support group and each of those who is post-op has been kind enough to take time explaining to me what to expect. (Though lovely Simon did point out to me this week that it was hard to convince me how tough it would be - I guess we all expect to be the one who defies all expectations!)

However - until I actually did decide to go for surgery I was pretty ignorant of what to expect. As I was so incredibly fortunate in having to wait just two weeks ( I am almost embarrassed to say that here when I know how many friends have been waiting or waited months or even years) it was a steep learning curve (:-)) and for two weeks I was pretty glued to Google - when I wasn't trying to clear my desk at work. The fact is though I knew - and I know - that this is a long painful journey - it has been said to be worse than open heart surgery - and the reality is it may be a year before I am back to "normal" (I wait now for all the jokes about me never having been normal... :-) )

So - back to the consultation with my GP. In terms of how I am coping she was very supportive and complimentary. The more challenging issue - and one maybe causing me so much upset - is perhaps how to manage the expectations of those who - like me a few months ago - know less about this condition, the treatment and expected recovery process and timeframe.

To be totally honest in spite of all I have just said I am surprised myself at how much time I still spend in bed - I am sure there are people out there who cannot believe that is still the case 8 weeks post op! I am horribly frustrated at how little I can do for myself, let alone for others. Unexpectedly home alone last night dinner was a cup a soup and cheese roll - nothing wrong with that but I wasn't really supposed to have lifted the kettle! (Ian has left a flask today but I also have Dave here who's going to cook a roast ;-) )

Of course I have lots of lovely friends, family, neighbours I can ask for help - please don't any of you be offended. But that is not the point. It is the sheer frustration, having gone from someone who was working full time in a pretty important job in Central London to being someone incapable of picking up anything I drop without one of those Grabber things I'd previously only seen used by the cleaners on the London Underground!

But I am getting off the point. What I'm trying to say is I know this is normal and par for the course and to be expected. But I feel sorry if I am letting down friends and family who expect me to be capable of doing so much more. I am sure I seem very dull, boring, miserable and negative just now and that is one of the main things that is getting me down. I don't even need people to tell me I am not those things - I just need them to say that it is okay to be that way.

Unfortunately as my GP and I agreed there isn't much I can do about that. However Julie Andrews may just have provided the answer - perhaps what I need to be doing is thinking about My Favourite Things...

And so I will leave it there for now and go and ponder on Warm Sunny Days, Beautiful Sandy Beaches, Hot Deep Bubble Baths, Chilled White Wine, Walkers Cheese and Onion Crisps, the music of Westlife, my wonderful family and, whisper it quietly, Daniel Craig...

I'm sure that I will say this again but a very Happy Easter to you all.

Linda x

1 comment:

  1. Julie Andrews always has the answer - listen to her words of wisdom. Hx