The past few weeks haven't always been easy but I guess I've made slow progress. Funny now to look back on the early days with rose-tinted specs - I don't remember the pain much at all, but I do remember sleeping lots, lying in bed, not worrying about anything (much!)
Things are going well enough but there is no way I will be back to work this week which was the original plan. I'm still in considerable discomfort, and badly need to exercise and build up my strength and stamina. I also need to build up my confidence as it's so true what they say about how something like this affects you emotionally. I went out on my own for the first time yesterday - just a walk to the library - it was a real effort and I burst into tears the first time someone spoke to me!
I've had a shockingly ghastly week since taking my last dose of morphine too - worth mentioning as a warning in case anyone else ever finds themselves on strong opiates. Please don't do what I did - I was naive and thought that if I stopped the tablets the pain would increase. That I thought I could cope with, and planned then to switch to something milder once I knew what the level of pain actually was without the drugs.
I didn't expect sweats, chills, shivers, diarrhoea, vomiting, aching all over, insomnia, restless legs, itching and constant uncontrollable crying. But that is what I got. Hopefully at the tail end of all that now but still unable to eat more than a tablespoon or so of food and surviving on smoothies and soup.
So as well as gaining two inches I have lost - oh I've no idea - at least a stone. There's room for two of me in most of my clothes and whilst many see this as a good thing it freaks me out. I know I need good nutrition for the fusion to "take" and would love to look forward to and enjoy a nice meal. Hopefully that is more likely now I am not taking morphine.
So - signed off for another month but my aim in the coming weeks - if my consultant agrees tomorrow - is to become more mobile, exercise some more, start to get out in the garden and see some friends. I was pre-warned that I would not feel up to visitors for a while and that has been so true. Thank you to those who have popped in and put up with my tearful ramblings, and apologies to anyone else - perhaps now might be the time if you do fancy a visit so I'd love to get a text or email from you.
Won't ramble any more for now, thanks all for your continued support, prayers, positive vibes and messages.