I actually think I might be sick. I am in the First Class lounge at Paddington Station waiting for a train to Bristol where I have a meeting. Then onto Cardiff to see a dear friend.
But I have had to stop working for a bit as I am shaking so much and my palms are clammy and I do actually think I might be sick.
I was emailing someone in the early hours when I couldn't sleep and said that I would love to find a blog somewhere written by another woman of more mature years about to undergo this surgery. To feel less alone, to know that the fear is natural, to help myself understand what it is I am afraid of, and then to see them come out the other side, recover, return to life and work and normality.
So my blog now has a bit more of a mission and a purpose - if I manage to keep it up then my hope is that at some point in the future it will bring some help and comfort to someone else on this journey - if that is you reading this now then all the best and I'm guessing it is okay to be afraid ...